Because I don’t have a camera.  Silly me.

You would think that getting a job where I was surrounded by creative types would have led me to be creative myself, but that was in fact not the case.  I suppose I fell into a level of comfort that has never been conducive to making things for me, and that caused me to overlook some really obvious solutions to some problems that have been knocking over my plans to make movies for a while now.

Namely, I may have access to some high quality resources, including a Panasonic AG-DVX100B.  A friend of mine goes to the New School.  She can borrow equipment.  Why didn’t I learn this until yesterday?

I should never have dropped out of college.  The lesson, as always, is that I’m an idiot.  Like Bill Simmons, but with no money, no fame, and no funny.  And, ironically, no college degree.

Hate to admit that my mom was right to keep bitching at me to finish college.  Actually, I hate to admit that my mom is right about anything, but that’s just part of our relationship.

My brother starred in a movie called Metal Gear Retarded while he was in Japan. I’ve seen a rough cut, and needless to say, it’s totally awesome.

Given the marathon of problems that I’ve incurred lately, it should come as no surprise that I’ve still yet to buy the Canon HV-20 that I finally managed to settle on. I want to get it so I can make a damn movie.

Not that I’d have time anyway. I’ve subsisted through unemployment so far by doing odd jobs and contract work. The problem with that is that, while they do take care of the short-term problem, they also take up time that I would prefer to be using applying for more permanent positions. Throw that on top of the natural stress, plus the fact that I don’t know where I’m going to be living in two weeks, and it comes pretty clear that I haven’t been able to do anything creative all summer.

It could always be worse, though. A friend has had a real nightmare of a summer. Personal tragedy is a lot worse than not having a job.

And hey, at least I don’t have VD.

In the spirit of comedy, I took almost five months away from this blog just to see if anyone noticed. As expected, they did not.

In any case, there is a little bit to update. I wrote a new short called Love and Respect. Bonus points if you can figure out the inspiration from the title. If I ever get to make it, I plan for it to be pretty stylized and hopefully awesome.

Ah, there we are. Reread the last sentence of the previous paragraph again. If I ever get to make it. I’ve been, if not overcome, then certainly blindsided by a continuing comedy of errors.

The main concern has been entirely of my own doing, or at least is exclusively my problem. Aside from Love and Respect, I haven’t done fuck all for months. I don’t know why this has been a problem; traditionally, I tend to take on a lighter workload in the winter, for whatever reason, and get a lot accomplished in the spring and summer. Now, though… nothing. For months. (Well, as previously mentioned, there was something, but the point stands.)

Past that: still no actor for Transatlanticism. The storyboards have evidently disappeared from public view, as well. The camera front has been no better. I waffled on buying the Canon HV-10 because if was missing a few key features that I wanted, chief among them a 24fps speed setting. So what happens? They release a new model, the HV-20, that addresses every concern I have with the HV-10.

And then my source of funding runs out. So no buy camera for Full Contact Origami.

All of this has led to a monumentally crushing insecurity. I finally had to start doing stuff that normal people who don’t have to work for themselves in their free time do for fun. It’s interesting, I think. I bet it would be more fun without the god damn crushing weight of guilt that I should be doing something other than, say, playing Frisbee in the park or whatever. To alleviate the frustration, I’ve been rebuilding the Full Contact Origami site as a way to feel like I’m getting something done. It’s been working so far, but now I’m almost finished, and when that happens, I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.

It’s all very annoying.

So: I wrote the shooting script for Transatlanticism in one night. I’m a little over halfway through mapping out the storyboards. I am under the impression that shooting has been delayed a few weeks because, while I do not have a problem shooting in negative degrees Celsius weather, many, if not most, of my volunteer crew do not seem to be eager to do so.

On the plus side, I have a crew. I didn’t even have to get them drunk. Yet.

It looks like my camera choice is good. Native 16:9 aspect ratio and high definition means that my job in editing gets much easier. The bad part is that I either have to get A) a new computer or B) more memory for my existing one if I am to take full advantage of the tools I need.

On an unrelated note, I’ve been afflicted with a soul-crushing insomnia lately. I’ll reach 24 hours in this most recent spell in about twenty minutes. I’ve slept an average of one night per week for the past three weeks. I’ve gotten whatever other rest that’s been from simply losing consciousness for one to three hours.

Needless to say, it is awesome.

I think I need to take a few days off of work. Seriously.

You know, I should probably start posting more than once every three months if I ever expect anyone to read this thing.

Ah well, maybe some day.

In actual news, preparations for the filming of Transatlanticism continue apace. I’ve cast the female character and I have most of the crew. I also rewrote the screenplay and am (still) working on the shooting script. There are only two things holding me back: uncertainty about the camera I chose to buy and casting the male character.

Casting shouldn’t be too big an issue, especially since I already know who is playing opposite him. However, I don’t know very many male actors, and there is a chance that I might be delayed rather than just going with whoever is available. We’ll see.

As for the camera, I want to buy the Canon HV-10. I could theoretically buy a better model, but I didn’t do too well in my donation drive, and I don’t want to spend $6,000 or more on something that might fail miserably. Nevertheless, I need to be sure it can do the job, and, well, I’m not. But I’m on it.

And… I think that’s all. I might be drunk, though, since I had four beers for lunch, so if anything comes to me, I’ll be back.

I sent the scripts for Hopeless Romanticism and Stardust Memories to an acquaintance with some connections at New Line Cinema. I don’t expect much, but a little can sometimes be everything.

Additionally, I’m trying to screw up the courage to ask a friend of my boss’s for help. Said friend is the father of Richard N. Gladstein, who has more than a few credits to his name and would be stunningly invaluable as a contact. However, I don’t want to cause any strain. We’ll see.

I’ve personally saved just under $2,000.00 which could theoretically be put toward the camera I need. Any help would, of course, be appreciated.

I also asked — nay, begged — Ultragrrrl to mention me on her blog. She hasn’t yet, but if she does, then this will be like some sort of meta-blogging with an infinite loop of links back and forth.

Please disregard the previous sentence. I’m drunk.

Unfortunately, I have yet to receive a single donation. On top of that, they improved the camera that I so heartily desire. Along with that, they raised the price by $2,000.00. So, there’s that.

Nevertheless, I’ve half-started preproduction for Transatlanticism. What I haven’t done is worked out just how I’m going to make that movie without getting sued. My hope is that, since Death Cab for Cutie made Directions, they have a soft spot for filmmakers and will give me a break once I make the movie.

So, yeah, I’m on tenuous ground here, eh?

It seems that I have finally got past my annual winter malaise when it comes to writing. Every year since I’ve started writing scripts, I’ve taken a four-month reprieve from any kind of creation from late October to the beginning of March or so.

I wonder why that is?

In any case, I’ve stepped up the search for an affordable camera so I can actually make one of my shorts, which I will use to get funding for a longer film, which I will use to become a STAR!

Oh, wait, it’s not that easy? Damn.